Know and Adjust to Your Wife

People get along with people that are like them, and with those that are not like them, there is continued strife in the relationship.

“¹⁵A continual dripping on a rainy day

and a quarrelsome wife are alike;

¹⁶to restrain her is to restrain the wind

or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.”

— Proverbs 27:15-16 (ESV)

Here we see that it is not good to be in constant quarrel with your wife. And if we are honest, we knew it was coming early in the relationship, right? We know who she is and how she will react and interact in situations. There is no surprise as we get further into the relationship as to who she is. And likewise, no surprises as to who we are either.

All of the above said and known, there are some adjustments that will need to be made in our relationship to work for one of mutual love, respect, and understanding. I know who my wife Lori is and find myself adjusting to her continually. I love her dearly and know that she loves me as well, but we are not the same and therefor have to adjust to one another to get the most out of our relationship.

I am not able to change her, so I am the one who has to change. I have to make moves to be more like her to ensure that there is continuity in the relationship. I have to make changes to who I am with her so that she will see that we are indeed on the same side and moving the same direction. When things are best, she likewise makes an adjustment to who I am, but that is not a requirement of my adjustment to her.

I say often to our boys, when something with Lori is not a little off, “that’s your mother”. And they come back quickly, “that’s your wife, and you chose her, we did not”. Where it is a funny exchange between us, it is so very true. I chose Lori and she chose me. We knew and know who one another is and it is up to us to work together to get the most our of our relationship. Knowing Lori means I am aware of her and am therefor needing to adjust to her to keep our relationship strong.

What do you know about your wife? Is she who you thought she was before your were married? What if you remember who she is and adjust to her to keep the continuity and love in your relationship with her?