Tag: Relationship

Wife’s Submission and Respect

This morning I continue my study of the word “wife”. I am led to Ephesians to the passage titled “Wives and Husbands”. As you look to the title of my writing, it appears that this is directed at the wife, yet the husband plays a vital role.

“22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” – Ephesians 5:22-24 (ESV)

“33However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)

Here we see Paul speaking to the role of the wife in the relationship. She is to submit to the husband as the church submits to Christ. The wife is to rely on the husband for love and care. She is to recognize and respect his authority in the house and relationship. The wife is to give herself to the husband fully in their marriage as we give ourselves to Christ.

But here is the thing, look to verse 23 above. Christ is the head of the church, yes, but also see that Christ sacrificed Himself for the Church. It is not just about the submission of the church to Christ, it is about Christ’s full devotion to the church to the point of sacrificial death. Husbands, we are to do the same. We are to sacrifice for our wives. She is relying on us for care and love and devotion as she is submitting to to us.

The relationship between a husband and wife is of oneness. Reliance on one another. The wife cares for the everyday needs of the home and the husband cares for the everyday needs of the wife. The wife recognizes and respects the authority of the husband and submits fully to that authority and the husband loves and sacrifices for the wife.

I can see how this passage would rub society the wrong way as it pushes for independence of the individual. But we have to see this as God intended. Yes, there is submission on the part of the wife to the husband, but I would argue that there is submission on the part of the husband to the wife as well. They are one and it is not about the wife being a doormat to the husband, but rather her being the wife of the husband. Likewise it is not about the husband lording over the wife in power and authority, but rather him being the sacrificial protector of the wife. There is submission and respect from the wife, and from the husband there is love and sacrifice.

How do you see the husband and wife relationship? Are you looking at it as a one way street of power and authority from the husband? What if you were to see both sides, submission and respect from the wife and love and sacrifice from the husband?

Know and Adjust to Your Wife

People get along with people that are like them, and with those that are not like them, there is continued strife in the relationship.

“15A continual dripping on a rainy day

and a quarrelsome wife are alike;

16to restrain her is to restrain the wind

or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.”

— Proverbs 27:15-16 (ESV)

Here we see that it is not good to be in constant quarrel with your wife. And if we are honest, we knew it was coming early in the relationship, right? We know who she is and how she will react and interact in situations. There is no surprise as we get further into the relationship as to who she is. And likewise, no surprises as to who we are either.

All of the above said and known, there are some adjustments that will need to be made in our relationship to work for one of mutual love, respect, and understanding. I know who my wife Lori is and find myself adjusting to her continually. I love her dearly and know that she loves me as well, but we are not the same and therefor have to adjust to one another to get the most out of our relationship.

I am not able to change her, so I am the one who has to change. I have to make moves to be more like her to ensure that there is continuity in the relationship. I have to make changes to who I am with her so that she will see that we are indeed on the same side and moving the same direction. When things are best, she likewise makes an adjustment to who I am, but that is not a requirement of my adjustment to her.

I say often to our boys, when something with Lori is not a little off, “that’s your mother”. And they come back quickly, “that’s your wife, and you chose her, we did not”. Where it is a funny exchange between us, it is so very true. I chose Lori and she chose me. We knew and know who one another is and it is up to us to work together to get the most our of our relationship. Knowing Lori means I am aware of her and am therefor needing to adjust to her to keep our relationship strong.

What do you know about your wife? Is she who you thought she was before your were married? What if you remember who she is and adjust to her to keep the continuity and love in your relationship with her?