Sexual Relations With Your Wife

This is a subject that is maybe a bit controversial in some circles. It is right and just to have sexual relations with your wife. You are after all one flesh according to your marriage under God. You should therefor afford her with the physical relationship and not just a spiritual and emotional one.

“²But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. ³The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.” – 1 Corinthians 7:2-3 (ESV)

There is no cause for the married to stray into the arms and/or bed of another on account of missing out on the physical sexual relationship in their marriage. Men, we should be actively offering and providing the sexual relationship to our wives and likewise them to us. This is the physical act of love demonstration. We should want and desire to be with our spouse and should be fully devoted to them.

“¹Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’” – 1 Corinthians 7:1 (ESV)

On the outside of marriage, there is no reason for man to have sexual relations with a woman. Yes, the verse above is a stated question or realization from the Corinthians to Paul on the subject, but he is clear in his subsequent verses that there is no cause for it and that the sanctity of the marriage bed is to be kept in tact. Men have sex with with their wives and no other.

In the end, it is right and just for husband and wife to have sexual relations in their marriage. It is good to have the physical relationship to demonstrate the love between one another in the bedroom.

What is your thoughts on sexual relations in marriage? Do you look for that physical relationship elsewhere as it is lacking in your own marital relationship? What if you were to love you wife to give to her not only spiritually and emotionally but physically as well?

Stay with Your Wife

“³¹It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ ³²But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 5:31-32 (ESV)

What a lesson from Jesus here in the Sermon on the Mount. Divorce is for those who have been in a sexually immoral relationship. Not those who just are not getting along, or those who are having trouble financially, or those who are not happy with the way the other is running around town. We are called to love our wife and stay with her.

I know what some are thinking, what about other scenarios where there is danger and the like. Notice that Jesus does not call on those things as a reason for divorce. According to scripture, we are to work for reconciliation and divorce is the last resort.

“¹⁰To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband ¹¹(but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.” – 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (ESV)

The only other viable reason for divorce is when there is abandonment from Christ. In such cases, again, reconciliation should be desired and the unbeliever should work to find their way back to Christ. But if that is ultimately not possible and the unbeliever leaves the believer, then divorce is the last resort.

“¹⁵But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15 (ESV)

All of the above is to say, stay with your wife. You found one another and have been at it this long, the oneness that you created with you marriage is something worth fighting for. There have been many times that Lori and I have not gotten along or had some life altering thing between us. But no matter the thing, we also had Christ and one another to fight for and those certainly win out.

“²⁴Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24 (ESV)

We are called to leave our father and mother and join our wife in one flesh. That is not for the moment or in good times, it is for all time and every moment. We are to stay with our wife to the end.

What is your view of your relationship with your wife? Is it on that is only there for the good times? What if your approach was biblical and you worked to stay with your wife as one to the end?

Know and Adjust to Your Wife

People get along with people that are like them, and with those that are not like them, there is continued strife in the relationship.

“¹⁵A continual dripping on a rainy day

and a quarrelsome wife are alike;

¹⁶to restrain her is to restrain the wind

or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.”

— Proverbs 27:15-16 (ESV)

Here we see that it is not good to be in constant quarrel with your wife. And if we are honest, we knew it was coming early in the relationship, right? We know who she is and how she will react and interact in situations. There is no surprise as we get further into the relationship as to who she is. And likewise, no surprises as to who we are either.

All of the above said and known, there are some adjustments that will need to be made in our relationship to work for one of mutual love, respect, and understanding. I know who my wife Lori is and find myself adjusting to her continually. I love her dearly and know that she loves me as well, but we are not the same and therefor have to adjust to one another to get the most out of our relationship.

I am not able to change her, so I am the one who has to change. I have to make moves to be more like her to ensure that there is continuity in the relationship. I have to make changes to who I am with her so that she will see that we are indeed on the same side and moving the same direction. When things are best, she likewise makes an adjustment to who I am, but that is not a requirement of my adjustment to her.

I say often to our boys, when something with Lori is not a little off, “that’s your mother”. And they come back quickly, “that’s your wife, and you chose her, we did not”. Where it is a funny exchange between us, it is so very true. I chose Lori and she chose me. We knew and know who one another is and it is up to us to work together to get the most our of our relationship. Knowing Lori means I am aware of her and am therefor needing to adjust to her to keep our relationship strong.

What do you know about your wife? Is she who you thought she was before your were married? What if you remember who she is and adjust to her to keep the continuity and love in your relationship with her?

Your Wife is From the LORD

Have you ever thought of where your wife comes from into your life?

“¹⁴House and wealth are inherited from fathers,

but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”

— Proverbs 19:14 (ESV)

“Prudent: marked by wisdom, judiciousness, or restraint” – Merriam-Webster Online

I know that finding Lori is/was certainly a blessing and from the LORD. She is a great mother and allows me to provide for our family. We may not be rich monetarily, yet we are rich in love for one another. What we do have, she stretches to the farthest reaches of possibility. She guides our boys in their daily decisions to remove that burden from my plate so that I can continue to focus on the provision of our family. These may not seem like much to the outside world, and it may seem as though I am leaving too much for her, but God brought her into my life for these reasons and He will do the same for you.

I remember, and still hear today, that someone is dating material and others are marrying material. I believe that we spend too much time with those who are not meant for us from God as we are still looking for the dating material qualities in others. At 54 years old and being married for 29 of those, leaves 25 years (okay about years really) where I was not with the woman God had for me. Do I regret those years, certainly not. Yet, I do see now that we should be looking for the marrying material in our pursuit of our wife. We should strive to find the prudent loving wife who will be with us through it all as early as possible to have the opportunity to spend as much time with her as we can.

This morning it may seem as though I am reminiscing on my own journey and where that is true a bit. I also am writing for the benefit of those still searching. God’s choice for your wife is out there and He is so looking forward to bringing you together. Get into the Word of God and allow Him to speak to you about who she is and where you can find her. After all, your wife comes from the LORD.

Where are you looking for your wife? Are you out there looking for dates? What if you were out there looking instead for the wife the LORD has for you?

Value and Praise Your Wife

I am so glad I have decided to study the word “wife”. This study is reminding me of her and all that she means to me as God intended.

“⁴An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,” – Proverbs 12:4a (ESV)

Lori is my crown. I am her other half. She is my better/best half. Each day, I awake to ensure that she has what is needed for her to make it through. I do not ask for a lot for myself, as she is really all that I need.

“’²⁹Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.’

³⁰Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.”

— Proverbs 31:29-31 (ESV)

Lori is to be praised for all that she does. She provides for the home and ensures that we are well fed and kept. She minded our boys and reared them to be loving men. Lori is the best of me and I praise her for all that she has done.

I know that I have failed in my recognizing of all that Lori has done for me and our home, but I also know that Lori knows how much I love and care for her. I must do better to place her as my “crown” and praise her for the work and love she does/has for me. I value and praise Lori, my wife.

How does your wife fit into your world? Is she there to complete a task and be the trophy for you? What if she was the best of you and you valued and praised all that she does?

Love the Beauty of Your Wife

Lori and I have been married for 29 years, which means that in that time we have changed a lot. We got married. We grew older. We became parents with a house full with our boys. We celebrated our boys movement out of our home on to there own lives. We are now back to where we started with just the two of us. It is time to get on with the love we have for one another that started all those years ago. And it is up to me.

“¹⁸Let your fountain be blessed,

and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

¹⁹a lovely deer, a graceful doe.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;

be intoxicated always in her love.”

— Proverbs 5:18-19 (ESV)

The woman I married is there still. She may have changed physically, but so have I. She is still as lovely today as she was all those years ago. I have to remember that God gave me her for the balance of our lifetime, not for just a short while. She is lovely and intoxicating and I will always love her as the woman God gave to me.

When you see your wife, see her as you did when you fell in love with her. She was grandiose then as she took your breath away and she is grandiose now as you continue trying to catch the breath she took away.

The passage I read this morning is titled in my ESV Bible; “Warning Against Adultery”. The quickest way to wander down the path of adultery is to seek out that which seems to have been lost. The beauty of your wife is what you seem to have lost. But, that beauty is not gone. It is there still, it is that we have to think to that which caused to fall in love in the first place. That woman never left. She may feel distant, but couldn’t that be due to our lack of seeing her as we did then.

Look back to when you fell in love with your wife. See the beauty in her face. See the beauty in her body. Love her again for who she is and was. She is still there in front of you just as she was then.

What is it that drew you to your wife? Are you somehow seeing that as gone? What if you were to look to when you fell in love with her and see her today for the beauty she has since that day?

Unite Completely with Your Wife

Men, we are to unite completely with our wives. She was created out of us by God for us. It is up to us to reunite with her fully in flesh and spirit.

“²⁴Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24 (ESV)

If you remember, woman was created from our rib. She is part of us physically. When it is said that “they shall become one flesh”, it is that we are to reunite as one flesh since that is where we started.

Also, take a look at the first part of the above verse. Men, we are to leave and be with our wives, not the other way around. We are to devote to her. We are to join her where she is.

I look at our boys and where they are in life. We raised them to be independent and leave our home to be on their own. And each of them have done that. Where we love them and want them to be with us, we also know that they are to be on their own. They are to experience all that is in this world with the LORD as their guide, not us.

This leaving to experience life does not end with them. Once they find the woman that is to be their wife, she is now the one he unites with to become one. He spends as much time with her that he can. He develops a deep love for her and her family. He leaves us and devotes to her.

Likewise, we did the same things in our lives. We give up ourselves for her. I am a creature of habit and comfortable where I am, but to give to and care for my wife, I had to step out of where I was/am. I stepped into a bigger role in work and moved our family 1500 miles away from my family. And then we moved again, back to within a couple hundred miles from mine and her family. And I did not think of me during that time, but her and how it impacted our household. We became one and she was the full object of my love.

Now that our boys are gone, we are back to just the two of us and since I committed to join her, we are in a great space filled with love. We are one. Our friends know that we are a package deal. When one is invited, both of us are invited. When one goes, the other is not far behind. We have united completely to one another, and most importantly, I to her.

What does the unity of your relationship with your wife look like? Are you with her cause that is the deal? What if you were to unite completely and become one with her in all aspects of your relationship?

Stay as You Are

If you are unmarried or you are widowed, stay that way. There is no reason to get in a hurry to change your current relationship status. You should be focusing your desire on the LORD and not on another partner.

“³⁷But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.” – 1 Corinthians 7:37 (ESV)

In this passage from 1 Corinthians, Paul is speaking directly to those who may have lost a spouse or those who may be engaged to be married. The above verse is referencing the idea that our desire should be in check, either we satisfy our physical desire by marrying so we can get back to desiring the LORD, or that we have our desire on the LORD and our physical wants are of much less consequence. Either way, our desire should be on the LORD and not on the physical.

I know for me, it is great to have a wife of 28 years that satisfies my physical wants. I do not need to look elsewhere and can focus on the LORD with my desire. I am content staying where I am. I know of others who have been engaged for a good time and are content to stay there as they grow spiritually. I recently witnessed a couple engaged to be married who have focused on the LORD and one of them was baptized, declaring publicly dedication to the LORD and the other in the relationship was beaming with joy. I say all of this in that the LORD would rather us stay where we are than get caught up in the wants of the flesh. But, make no mistake, that if being married helps with satisfying the physical so that one can get back to the desire of the LORD, then marriage is good, as long as it is rooted in the LORD.

All we do should be for the benefit of your relationship with the LORD. It is not for our own wants physically. It is for the glory of the LORD. Whether that is being married or remaining single, all is to keep us focused on the LORD. I say, stay where you are and get your desire for the LORD to the top of your things to do list before another.

What are you focused on in relationships? Are you looking to fully satisfy your physical at all costs? What if you were to take the approach to stay where you are and focus your desire on the LORD before another?

Honor Marriage

I certainly did not expect to read up on marriage this morning and especially in the realm of sex and marriage.

“⁴Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)

Lori and I have been married for over 27 years. I love her dearly and only want to please her. Has our marriage been all sunshine and rainbows, that would be a resounding NO. There have been some really difficult times to deal with in our household and our relationship, as I expected and know is the same for all marriages. But, we made a promise to each other and to God, in front of a good number of witnesses that we would be in it for the long haul, and through the good and the bad. We are devoted to one another and to the sanctity of our marriage and that promise made years ago.

I believe that our relationship has lasted as long as it has and will continue to last is due to promises made. Not just the one made for our marriage, but the promise made to follow God in our marriage. The promise made to God in our individual life. The promise God made of salvation. All of these and many more are the reasons for our relationship success.

As I have mentioned before, my study of God’s Word is just following the topic led to from the concordance. I am currently in a study of the word “honor” and allow God to lead my learning for the day on that topic. This morning I was led to Hebrews 13 and the passage titled “Sacrifices Pleasing to God”. The verse above is where the word “honor” is, and I am led this morning to dive into this verse.

The title of the passage in Hebrews is a window into where I am going this morning. One of the things that are challenging with promises, is the keeping of them. There are sacrifices that may be required. And sometimes those sacrifices may not be easy to make.

I want to be clear here. I am not a proponent of sexual promiscuity. I will not promote the societal way of thinking that multiple partners is okay. What I will say is that it is clear in God’s Word that the promise of marriage is one that includes devotion to one another in the bedroom as well as everywhere else.

In reference to verse 4 above, it is the promise of sexual dedication to one another where there is sacrifice. I know, there is sacrifice in being dedicated sexually to your spouse? Yes, especially when you think of the openness of today’s societal thinking. It is acceptable in today’s world to see sex as a carnal instinct and that devotion to one other person as counter to that instinct. Well, it may be acceptable in this world, but it is not acceptable in God’s world. A promise was made and in order to uphold that promise, there needs to be sacrifice in this world.

Marriage is to be honored by all. Those outside of the relationship should hold marriage in high regard and pay the honor that is due to those in that relationship. Those who are married should honor the marriage with their sacrifice to give up those things of the societal world and devote to one another. All should sacrifice to ensure that they are doing those things that are pleasing to God as those promises are to be kept most of all.

What promises were made in your marriage? Are you still looking for ways to have it all without sacrifice? What if you took your marriage and honored it as you would honor your relationship with God?