Tag: Wife

Husbands “Rule” Over Your Wife?

This morning I begin a new study on the word “husband” as I have been in the family realm for some time now first with “wife”, then “home”, and then “family”. It is only good process to make my way through all members of the family as I study. This first one was a bit tough as I find myself looking at “the fall” from grace in the beginning. God created man and woman to be husband and wife. And what he created was “very good” indeed. And then He allowed them to be tested by Satan. And whereas it was woman or the wife who succumbed to the temptation first, both of them took part and fell out of grace together. And that is where we are now.

“16To the woman he said,

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

in pain you shall bring forth children.

Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,

but he shall rule over you.”

— Genesis 3:16 (ESV)

This verse is the one I am going to spend my focus on for the purpose of this post. The rest of “the fall” are important to know, but is here that I am writing about. You see, it is that last pat of the verse that really gets things in me this morning, “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

As noted earlier, God created man and woman to be husband and wife and it was “very good”. Here we see that due to sin and “the fall”, husband and wife will be at odds. Where the wife was to submit to her husband and husband to lead, guard, and care for his wife (ESV commentary), it is now that wife will be at odds with her husband and husband will “rule” over his wife. This is not as God intended.

As husband I am not to “rule over” my wife. Yes, I am to be head of the household and am to be revered by my wife, I am not to “rule over” her, I am to love and care for her.

“25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” – Ephesians 5:25-27 (ESV)

We can see that Paul teaches for man to come back and work to defeat the results of “the fall”. We as husbands are not to “rule over” our wives, we are to love them, cleanse them, present them without “spot or wrinkle” so they “might be holy and without blemish”. We are, as noted earlier from my ESV commentary of Genesis 3:16, to lead, guard, and care for them. We are to make it they are lifted up and in the proper place of importance to us and to the LORD.

Yes, we were meant to be the head of our household, but it is just that the head of the household and not ruler of it. We were not created to “rule over”, but to lead, guard, and care. We were meant to be the husband, not the king. Thanks to “the fall” we are naturally at odds with our wives and we have to get back to what God intended. As we stay in God’s Word, we find continued reminders of what God intended and it is up to us to study and know of our role as husbands, to lead, guard, and care for our wives.

What is your view of the husband? Are they to be the ruler of all, including their wife? What if we looked more closely to find that we are to lead, guard, and care for our wives and not “rule over” them?

Be at Home

Ever wonder where we are to set up shop. Where are we to be all that God would have us be. The answer is where we are. We are to be home working for the LORD.

“4and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” – Titus 2:4-5 (ESV)

This morning I read this passage and wonder what I am I to learn today. The passage is titled in my ESV Bible, “Teach Sound Doctrine” and Paul is writing to Titus to encourage him in his ministry. Paul is indicating here the role of men and women and how they raise Godly men and women. Where there is a lot to the passage, I was led to the “working at home” statement. We are to work at home where we are.

Yes, Paul is speaking to women and their role here, but I was struck by an extension of it to all of us as followers of Christ. Men are to leave their mother and father to become one with their wife. Wives are to follow their husbands and run the home. Husbands and wives are to be together at home working.

In Lori and my life together, we have not always been working at “home” together. I used to travel 2-3 weeks a month and even at one point lived away from the family for about 4 months until they could finish the school year and we could again be together. Those times were hard. We were not always on the same page in our family. It was only when we came back together at “home” that things seemed to settle in and become more consistent. Lori even worked as a teacher for a few years in the town about 20 minutes from us and it was not until she got a job where we lived that things settled in.

I say all of the above to show that in our family, we are best when we are together at “home” where we are. We are to be a family where we are and not separated. The wife should be close to “home” to care for things there. The husband should be “home” more than not. Together the husband and wife should use “home” as their base of operations and teach their children to do the same.

When it comes to our Christian life, we should be at “home” where we are. I have written to the idea of having a church home where you are and I do believe that. We should also do the work of Christ right here where we are first of all. Our church vision is, to see “A gospel movement that reaches every person of the Hill Country and is carried to the ends of the earth.” We start right here at home. In my home I am to be at “home” with my wife and family doing the work of the LORD right here at “home”.

In our world today, it is common and socially encouraged to look for opportunity in far exotic places. To make a splash somewhere out there in the world. But the Bible teaches us to start right here at home. We are to first get our own home in order and expand out from there. We are to “Teach Sound Doctrine” at “home” where we are now and then allow that to be carried from there. We start by teaching our children that doctrine in our home and allowing them to carry it out to their home. That is the expansion we are to be looking for. We are to be and work right here at “home” where we are.

Where are you looking to God’s work? Are you seeking to make a big splash somewhere in the world? What if you were to do the work of the LORD, at “home” right where you are as your starting point?

Wife and All Her Beauty

I know that my wife is beautiful. I am in awe when I see her. We have a picture of the two of us on our wedding day where I look completely captivated by her. Thinking of that now, I remember being teased a bit about it as not being a serious picture. I don’t think that is the case at all. I see it now as a picture of how I should see her. Radiant and glorious to behold.

We have seen in the scriptures that Christ is the head of the church. And now we see that the New Jerusalem is the Bride and Wife of the Christ.

“9Then came one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues and spoke to me, saying, “Come, I will show you the Bride, the wife of the Lamb.’” – Revelation 21:9 (ESV)

I know that it does not say that explicitly in the verse above, but the full passage is titled “The New Jerusalem” in my ESV Bible. The angel does not say to introduce you to the Bride, but to “show you the Bride”. The angel is showing John around the city. Showing him her beauty and grandeur.

“2And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.” – Revelation 21:2 (ESV)

Make no mistake, the “Bride” of Christ is beautiful. In the passage that is Revelation 21:9-27 we find the description of what the New Jerusalem will be like. The sheer size of her, the ornate structures. The jewel adorned walls and foundations. The gold streets. The radiance of her sight is almost unimaginable. She is the most beautiful ever seen.

I take this description of the New Jerusalem and translate that to the beauty of my wife. Lori may not be a greatly ornate structure, or be adorned in jewels, or have gold streets, but she is radiant and the most beautiful to me. Isn’t that how we should see our wife, as the most beautiful sight seen?

“3Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” – 1 Peter 3:1-6 (ESV)

Just as the beauty of the New Jerusalem is for Christ, the beauty of our wife is for us to see and for the world to recognize. She is for us. We see her in her true beauty as presented by God. She is to be beautiful to us and to God. And this is the true beauty of your wife.

What is the beauty of your wife? Is she there for all the world to see as beautiful? What if she is to be beautiful to you in your sight and for God as the New Jerusalem is beautiful for Christ?

Husband of One Wife

“2Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife,” – 1 Timothy 3:2a (ESV)

“12Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well.” – 1 Timothy 3:12 (ESV)

“5This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you— 6if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.” – Titus 1:5-6 (ESV)

The above verses speak to the qualification to be an overseer, deacon, and elder in the church. I also consider this to be the same for the followers of Christ. Whereas I have listed these four verses, they are not the only qualification. Regardless of the number of them, Paul has written of the specifics of being a leader or caretaker in Christ’s Church.

As I am studying the word “wife”, I am going to keep my eyes there in my writing this morning. In the qualifications of each of the positions in the church “the husband of one wife” is mentioned in each of them. And to go along with it, there is the “managing their children and their own households well”. How can someone be considered a leader of the church if their ow house and relationship is in chaos? If there is a lack of stability in the home that is led by the husband, how can there be stability elsewhere the husband works in.

“5for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” – 1 Timothy 3:5 (ESV)

I did say earlier that I believe these qualifications should be for the followers of Christ and not just those who are in positions of leadership or caretaker. I really mean that. When we are in Christ, we are to be fully in Christ and where it starts with our relationship with Him, it extends to our relationship in our home. The relationship with our wife and household is to be one of stability and lacking chaos from the world view. As Paul writes in verse 5 above, how can there be calm in church when there is not calm in the personal life. As a Christian, I am called to have the calm in my personal life to have calm in the church.

Removing the chaos starts with the relationship with our wife. She is the other half of us. Remember that she has a role in the household and we are to honor her and love her only. We are one (half me and half her). There is no room for another, as Paul mentions in the qualification of each, overseer, deacon, and elder. The same is for us as followers of Christ. There is only room for her and no other. When there is another, there is division of loyalty and that adds to chaos in the home, remember we cannot have stability in the church if there is not stability in the home.

Love your wife and hold her dear. She is the other half of you and she is the representation of the calm in your home that you can carry into being a follower of Christ.

What is your home like? Is there chaos? What if you were to calm things by managing your household, starting with being the “husband of one wife”?

Wife’s Submission and Respect

This morning I continue my study of the word “wife”. I am led to Ephesians to the passage titled “Wives and Husbands”. As you look to the title of my writing, it appears that this is directed at the wife, yet the husband plays a vital role.

“22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” – Ephesians 5:22-24 (ESV)

“33However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)

Here we see Paul speaking to the role of the wife in the relationship. She is to submit to the husband as the church submits to Christ. The wife is to rely on the husband for love and care. She is to recognize and respect his authority in the house and relationship. The wife is to give herself to the husband fully in their marriage as we give ourselves to Christ.

But here is the thing, look to verse 23 above. Christ is the head of the church, yes, but also see that Christ sacrificed Himself for the Church. It is not just about the submission of the church to Christ, it is about Christ’s full devotion to the church to the point of sacrificial death. Husbands, we are to do the same. We are to sacrifice for our wives. She is relying on us for care and love and devotion as she is submitting to to us.

The relationship between a husband and wife is of oneness. Reliance on one another. The wife cares for the everyday needs of the home and the husband cares for the everyday needs of the wife. The wife recognizes and respects the authority of the husband and submits fully to that authority and the husband loves and sacrifices for the wife.

I can see how this passage would rub society the wrong way as it pushes for independence of the individual. But we have to see this as God intended. Yes, there is submission on the part of the wife to the husband, but I would argue that there is submission on the part of the husband to the wife as well. They are one and it is not about the wife being a doormat to the husband, but rather her being the wife of the husband. Likewise it is not about the husband lording over the wife in power and authority, but rather him being the sacrificial protector of the wife. There is submission and respect from the wife, and from the husband there is love and sacrifice.

How do you see the husband and wife relationship? Are you looking at it as a one way street of power and authority from the husband? What if you were to see both sides, submission and respect from the wife and love and sacrifice from the husband?

Sexual Relations With Your Wife

This is a subject that is maybe a bit controversial in some circles. It is right and just to have sexual relations with your wife. You are after all one flesh according to your marriage under God. You should therefor afford her with the physical relationship and not just a spiritual and emotional one.

“2But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.” – 1 Corinthians 7:2-3 (ESV)

There is no cause for the married to stray into the arms and/or bed of another on account of missing out on the physical sexual relationship in their marriage. Men, we should be actively offering and providing the sexual relationship to our wives and likewise them to us. This is the physical act of love demonstration. We should want and desire to be with our spouse and should be fully devoted to them.

“1Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’” – 1 Corinthians 7:1 (ESV)

On the outside of marriage, there is no reason for man to have sexual relations with a woman. Yes, the verse above is a stated question or realization from the Corinthians to Paul on the subject, but he is clear in his subsequent verses that there is no cause for it and that the sanctity of the marriage bed is to be kept in tact. Men have sex with with their wives and no other.

In the end, it is right and just for husband and wife to have sexual relations in their marriage. It is good to have the physical relationship to demonstrate the love between one another in the bedroom.

What is your thoughts on sexual relations in marriage? Do you look for that physical relationship elsewhere as it is lacking in your own marital relationship? What if you were to love you wife to give to her not only spiritually and emotionally but physically as well?

Stay with Your Wife

“31It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 5:31-32 (ESV)

What a lesson from Jesus here in the Sermon on the Mount. Divorce is for those who have been in a sexually immoral relationship. Not those who just are not getting along, or those who are having trouble financially, or those who are not happy with the way the other is running around town. We are called to love our wife and stay with her.

I know what some are thinking, what about other scenarios where there is danger and the like. Notice that Jesus does not call on those things as a reason for divorce. According to scripture, we are to work for reconciliation and divorce is the last resort.

“10To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11(but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.” – 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (ESV)

The only other viable reason for divorce is when there is abandonment from Christ. In such cases, again, reconciliation should be desired and the unbeliever should work to find their way back to Christ. But if that is ultimately not possible and the unbeliever leaves the believer, then divorce is the last resort.

“15But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15 (ESV)

All of the above is to say, stay with your wife. You found one another and have been at it this long, the oneness that you created with you marriage is something worth fighting for. There have been many times that Lori and I have not gotten along or had some life altering thing between us. But no matter the thing, we also had Christ and one another to fight for and those certainly win out.

“24Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24 (ESV)

We are called to leave our father and mother and join our wife in one flesh. That is not for the moment or in good times, it is for all time and every moment. We are to stay with our wife to the end.

What is your view of your relationship with your wife? Is it on that is only there for the good times? What if your approach was biblical and you worked to stay with your wife as one to the end?

Where to Find Your Wife

Where is the best place to find your wife. Well, being that your wife is from the LORD, I would say that she can be found in the House of the LORD.

“10An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.”

— Proverbs 31:10 (ESV)

I have written that your wife is from the LORD. We tend to look for the LORD to just present her to us wherever we might be. And where that is He can, isn’t in our best interest to go looking in the place we know her to be, in the House of the LORD. The question in the verse above is a good one and can be answered if/when we are looking in the right place.

I have said and maintain that the smartest people in the world do not know all the answers to all the questions, they do however know that the answers are out there, and will look for them in the logical places. So, where is the logical place to find an excellent wife who is from the LORD, in His House of course.

Lori and I have moved a couple of times in our lives together. In each time, we have made it a priority to find a church that we can call home. On graduation Sunday, our church gives to the seniors a devotional and a list of churches to plug into where they are headed. These acts alone did not or do not guarantee that you will find your wife, but the odds are certainly in your favor. When we are in the place where an excellent wife would be, our chances of connecting to the wife from God drastically increase.

Now, I do want to be careful to say that you are not out there hunting for a wife in the surrounding churches. What I am saying is that when you are plugged in at the church and doing the work of God, He will show her to you and it will be clear that she is from the LORD.

I cannot say that I found my wife Lori at the church, but what I can say is that we are both God fearing and involved in our church and for that I know that she is from the LORD. Each of us knows that the other will be there in/for the LORD and that is where we find comfort. I know that Lori is the excellent wife the LORD provided for me and I know that I can find her in the LORD.

Where are you looking for your wife? Are you hoping to find her randomly? What if you went to do the work of the LORD in His House, knowing that is the place where an excellent wife will be found?

Know and Adjust to Your Wife

People get along with people that are like them, and with those that are not like them, there is continued strife in the relationship.

“15A continual dripping on a rainy day

and a quarrelsome wife are alike;

16to restrain her is to restrain the wind

or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.”

— Proverbs 27:15-16 (ESV)

Here we see that it is not good to be in constant quarrel with your wife. And if we are honest, we knew it was coming early in the relationship, right? We know who she is and how she will react and interact in situations. There is no surprise as we get further into the relationship as to who she is. And likewise, no surprises as to who we are either.

All of the above said and known, there are some adjustments that will need to be made in our relationship to work for one of mutual love, respect, and understanding. I know who my wife Lori is and find myself adjusting to her continually. I love her dearly and know that she loves me as well, but we are not the same and therefor have to adjust to one another to get the most out of our relationship.

I am not able to change her, so I am the one who has to change. I have to make moves to be more like her to ensure that there is continuity in the relationship. I have to make changes to who I am with her so that she will see that we are indeed on the same side and moving the same direction. When things are best, she likewise makes an adjustment to who I am, but that is not a requirement of my adjustment to her.

I say often to our boys, when something with Lori is not a little off, “that’s your mother”. And they come back quickly, “that’s your wife, and you chose her, we did not”. Where it is a funny exchange between us, it is so very true. I chose Lori and she chose me. We knew and know who one another is and it is up to us to work together to get the most our of our relationship. Knowing Lori means I am aware of her and am therefor needing to adjust to her to keep our relationship strong.

What do you know about your wife? Is she who you thought she was before your were married? What if you remember who she is and adjust to her to keep the continuity and love in your relationship with her?

Your Wife is From the LORD

Have you ever thought of where your wife comes from into your life?

“14House and wealth are inherited from fathers,

but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”

— Proverbs 19:14 (ESV)

“Prudent: marked by wisdom, judiciousness, or restraint” – Merriam-Webster Online

I know that finding Lori is/was certainly a blessing and from the LORD. She is a great mother and allows me to provide for our family. We may not be rich monetarily, yet we are rich in love for one another. What we do have, she stretches to the farthest reaches of possibility. She guides our boys in their daily decisions to remove that burden from my plate so that I can continue to focus on the provision of our family. These may not seem like much to the outside world, and it may seem as though I am leaving too much for her, but God brought her into my life for these reasons and He will do the same for you.

I remember, and still hear today, that someone is dating material and others are marrying material. I believe that we spend too much time with those who are not meant for us from God as we are still looking for the dating material qualities in others. At 54 years old and being married for 29 of those, leaves 25 years (okay about years really) where I was not with the woman God had for me. Do I regret those years, certainly not. Yet, I do see now that we should be looking for the marrying material in our pursuit of our wife. We should strive to find the prudent loving wife who will be with us through it all as early as possible to have the opportunity to spend as much time with her as we can.

This morning it may seem as though I am reminiscing on my own journey and where that is true a bit. I also am writing for the benefit of those still searching. God’s choice for your wife is out there and He is so looking forward to bringing you together. Get into the Word of God and allow Him to speak to you about who she is and where you can find her. After all, your wife comes from the LORD.

Where are you looking for your wife? Are you out there looking for dates? What if you were out there looking instead for the wife the LORD has for you?