Covet Your Wife

This morning I continue my study on the word “wife”. I was led to Exodus and the Ten Commandments.

“¹⁷You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” – Exodus 20:17 (ESV)

Here we find the commandment to “not” covet those of your neighbor. I was all set to start writing of the “not to do” and even rewrote my comment in my bible referring to that which we are “to do”. It is right that we are not to coven that of our neighbor, yet I want to speak about what it would look like to covet instead that which is yours, namely your wife.

“Covet: 1: to wish for earnestly” – Merriam-Webster Online

How do we turn away from wishing for things that are of others, we wish for that which is ours. In the case of our wives, it is not a property thing, but that she is ours and we have become one flesh back to where we were when woman was formed out of the body of man. With our wives being one flesh with us, it make full sense that we should be wishing earnestly for her. Longing for her, her embrace, her love, her warmth, and all that she is and has to offer.

Think of sin and staying away from it. If we are focused on God and doing His will as He has for us, then sin is not at the forefront of our minds. We will still sin, but our sin is less likely to be conscious. Similarly when we long for our wives others are not at the forefront of our minds and therefore we may find admiration in the beauty of others, but are less likely to covet them as our wish is for our wives.

I love my wife and would do anything to keep her safe and comforted. That said, I am looking hard at my love for her to find that I do indeed covet her. When she is away from me, I long for her. When she is near me, I feel her warmth. When she hugs me it is a true embrace. I am not the most affectionate person, but my wife brings me joy that I find hard to be without. I covet my wife, Lori.

What is your relationship with your wife? Does your love end there with the relationship and the word love? What if your were to covet and wish earnestly for her to keep her at the forefront of your mind to make it easier to avoid covetousness of your neighbor’s wife?

Unite Completely with Your Wife

Men, we are to unite completely with our wives. She was created out of us by God for us. It is up to us to reunite with her fully in flesh and spirit.

“²⁴Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24 (ESV)

If you remember, woman was created from our rib. She is part of us physically. When it is said that “they shall become one flesh”, it is that we are to reunite as one flesh since that is where we started.

Also, take a look at the first part of the above verse. Men, we are to leave and be with our wives, not the other way around. We are to devote to her. We are to join her where she is.

I look at our boys and where they are in life. We raised them to be independent and leave our home to be on their own. And each of them have done that. Where we love them and want them to be with us, we also know that they are to be on their own. They are to experience all that is in this world with the LORD as their guide, not us.

This leaving to experience life does not end with them. Once they find the woman that is to be their wife, she is now the one he unites with to become one. He spends as much time with her that he can. He develops a deep love for her and her family. He leaves us and devotes to her.

Likewise, we did the same things in our lives. We give up ourselves for her. I am a creature of habit and comfortable where I am, but to give to and care for my wife, I had to step out of where I was/am. I stepped into a bigger role in work and moved our family 1500 miles away from my family. And then we moved again, back to within a couple hundred miles from mine and her family. And I did not think of me during that time, but her and how it impacted our household. We became one and she was the full object of my love.

Now that our boys are gone, we are back to just the two of us and since I committed to join her, we are in a great space filled with love. We are one. Our friends know that we are a package deal. When one is invited, both of us are invited. When one goes, the other is not far behind. We have united completely to one another, and most importantly, I to her.

What does the unity of your relationship with your wife look like? Are you with her cause that is the deal? What if you were to unite completely and become one with her in all aspects of your relationship?

Leave Your Mother

“³And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’ ⁴He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, ⁵and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”?’” – Matthew 19:3-5 (ESV)

Marriage is for a lifetime, and it is to be fully between husband and wife. That should go without stating, however how many out there work to hold on to their mother and their wife as being the same. Jesus is clear here that one is to leave mother and devote themselves fully to their wife. It is now the husband and the wife on their own, carving out life together as one.

I would be remiss in ignoring that one would like his wife to be similar to his mother. I know that Lori and my mother are similar in their love of me. But, that is really where it ends. I do not expect Lori to care for and guide and nurture me as I did my mother when I was a child. I have moved to Lori and all of her.

I am not saying that we should cut our mothers off, that we should ignore them for the rest of our lives. What I am saying is that mother have done their jobs and have handed us over to our wives. My mother is still important, yet now, my wife, Lori has taken her place in the priority list of my life.

Where is your mother in your priority list? Do you still have her at the top of your list just below God? What if you leave your mother and approached your wife as the single most important one just below the LORD?

Your Wife, Not Your Father is Your Best Friend

It may be hard for some to fathom, but your wife is your best friend. You should be inseparable once you have been joined. You should not even let your father get in the way.

“⁴He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, ⁵and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? ⁶So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’” – Matthew 19:4-6 (ESV)

Now before we get too deep into the male and female and what about the wife as this passage speaks of the husband, we have to remember that it was the custom of the time to speak about the men. For sure, wives hold to the same that they are joined to the husband as one, just as Jesus explains above, but for the sake of my thoughts here I take the same approach of the time and speak of the man, not to mention that I am a man and husband myself.

Jesus was asked about divorce in the passage and is addressing the Pharisees. He was expressing that men are to leave their fathers and devote themselves to their wives from that time forward. When I see this mention of devotion, I see that when it comes to my life, I am to do all of life with Lori. I took her as my wife and would not have done so had she not been the one who I wanted to ensure was with me for the rest of my life.

Lori and I started our lives together and did all things as one. Then we were blessed with the boys, Bryson and Aarron. We poured ourselves into them as one and for about 25 yrs, they were the focus of our attention. And now, it is again just the two of us and we are able to just get back to focusing on each other and doing all together as one. We are with each other for the long haul and I will speak for me and say, I would have it no other way.

We are best friends and are inseparable. We do all things together and everyone knows that we are a package deal. When you invite one of us, the other is expected to be there. I say this not from my own thoughts, but we have been told too many times that when thought of one of us, the other is just part of it.

So, knowing that others see us as the package deal, I say that we have done it. We are best friends and have largely separated ourselves from the parents and have become one, just as Jesus indicates above.

Now, I am not saying that one should not have relationships with their father and others. Lori and I do find and make the time to do our separate things. We have other friends and those we do things with, but our BEST friend is one another. I still interact with my father and mother, yet my life is devoted to Lori, has been for over 27 yrs and will be as long as I am here with her.

Who is your best friend? Are you finding yourself spending more time with others? What if you devoted yourself to your spouse and spent the time together as BEST friends and as one as Jesus speaks?