Know and Adjust to Your Wife

People get along with people that are like them, and with those that are not like them, there is continued strife in the relationship.

“¹⁵A continual dripping on a rainy day

and a quarrelsome wife are alike;

¹⁶to restrain her is to restrain the wind

or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.”

— Proverbs 27:15-16 (ESV)

Here we see that it is not good to be in constant quarrel with your wife. And if we are honest, we knew it was coming early in the relationship, right? We know who she is and how she will react and interact in situations. There is no surprise as we get further into the relationship as to who she is. And likewise, no surprises as to who we are either.

All of the above said and known, there are some adjustments that will need to be made in our relationship to work for one of mutual love, respect, and understanding. I know who my wife Lori is and find myself adjusting to her continually. I love her dearly and know that she loves me as well, but we are not the same and therefor have to adjust to one another to get the most out of our relationship.

I am not able to change her, so I am the one who has to change. I have to make moves to be more like her to ensure that there is continuity in the relationship. I have to make changes to who I am with her so that she will see that we are indeed on the same side and moving the same direction. When things are best, she likewise makes an adjustment to who I am, but that is not a requirement of my adjustment to her.

I say often to our boys, when something with Lori is not a little off, “that’s your mother”. And they come back quickly, “that’s your wife, and you chose her, we did not”. Where it is a funny exchange between us, it is so very true. I chose Lori and she chose me. We knew and know who one another is and it is up to us to work together to get the most our of our relationship. Knowing Lori means I am aware of her and am therefor needing to adjust to her to keep our relationship strong.

What do you know about your wife? Is she who you thought she was before your were married? What if you remember who she is and adjust to her to keep the continuity and love in your relationship with her?

Your Wife is From the LORD

Have you ever thought of where your wife comes from into your life?

“¹⁴House and wealth are inherited from fathers,

but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”

— Proverbs 19:14 (ESV)

“Prudent: marked by wisdom, judiciousness, or restraint” – Merriam-Webster Online

I know that finding Lori is/was certainly a blessing and from the LORD. She is a great mother and allows me to provide for our family. We may not be rich monetarily, yet we are rich in love for one another. What we do have, she stretches to the farthest reaches of possibility. She guides our boys in their daily decisions to remove that burden from my plate so that I can continue to focus on the provision of our family. These may not seem like much to the outside world, and it may seem as though I am leaving too much for her, but God brought her into my life for these reasons and He will do the same for you.

I remember, and still hear today, that someone is dating material and others are marrying material. I believe that we spend too much time with those who are not meant for us from God as we are still looking for the dating material qualities in others. At 54 years old and being married for 29 of those, leaves 25 years (okay about years really) where I was not with the woman God had for me. Do I regret those years, certainly not. Yet, I do see now that we should be looking for the marrying material in our pursuit of our wife. We should strive to find the prudent loving wife who will be with us through it all as early as possible to have the opportunity to spend as much time with her as we can.

This morning it may seem as though I am reminiscing on my own journey and where that is true a bit. I also am writing for the benefit of those still searching. God’s choice for your wife is out there and He is so looking forward to bringing you together. Get into the Word of God and allow Him to speak to you about who she is and where you can find her. After all, your wife comes from the LORD.

Where are you looking for your wife? Are you out there looking for dates? What if you were out there looking instead for the wife the LORD has for you?

Value and Praise Your Wife

I am so glad I have decided to study the word “wife”. This study is reminding me of her and all that she means to me as God intended.

“⁴An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,” – Proverbs 12:4a (ESV)

Lori is my crown. I am her other half. She is my better/best half. Each day, I awake to ensure that she has what is needed for her to make it through. I do not ask for a lot for myself, as she is really all that I need.

“’²⁹Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.’

³⁰Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.”

— Proverbs 31:29-31 (ESV)

Lori is to be praised for all that she does. She provides for the home and ensures that we are well fed and kept. She minded our boys and reared them to be loving men. Lori is the best of me and I praise her for all that she has done.

I know that I have failed in my recognizing of all that Lori has done for me and our home, but I also know that Lori knows how much I love and care for her. I must do better to place her as my “crown” and praise her for the work and love she does/has for me. I value and praise Lori, my wife.

How does your wife fit into your world? Is she there to complete a task and be the trophy for you? What if she was the best of you and you valued and praised all that she does?

Love the Beauty of Your Wife

Lori and I have been married for 29 years, which means that in that time we have changed a lot. We got married. We grew older. We became parents with a house full with our boys. We celebrated our boys movement out of our home on to there own lives. We are now back to where we started with just the two of us. It is time to get on with the love we have for one another that started all those years ago. And it is up to me.

“¹⁸Let your fountain be blessed,

and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

¹⁹a lovely deer, a graceful doe.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;

be intoxicated always in her love.”

— Proverbs 5:18-19 (ESV)

The woman I married is there still. She may have changed physically, but so have I. She is still as lovely today as she was all those years ago. I have to remember that God gave me her for the balance of our lifetime, not for just a short while. She is lovely and intoxicating and I will always love her as the woman God gave to me.

When you see your wife, see her as you did when you fell in love with her. She was grandiose then as she took your breath away and she is grandiose now as you continue trying to catch the breath she took away.

The passage I read this morning is titled in my ESV Bible; “Warning Against Adultery”. The quickest way to wander down the path of adultery is to seek out that which seems to have been lost. The beauty of your wife is what you seem to have lost. But, that beauty is not gone. It is there still, it is that we have to think to that which caused to fall in love in the first place. That woman never left. She may feel distant, but couldn’t that be due to our lack of seeing her as we did then.

Look back to when you fell in love with your wife. See the beauty in her face. See the beauty in her body. Love her again for who she is and was. She is still there in front of you just as she was then.

What is it that drew you to your wife? Are you somehow seeing that as gone? What if you were to look to when you fell in love with her and see her today for the beauty she has since that day?

Covet Your Wife

This morning I continue my study on the word “wife”. I was led to Exodus and the Ten Commandments.

“¹⁷You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” – Exodus 20:17 (ESV)

Here we find the commandment to “not” covet those of your neighbor. I was all set to start writing of the “not to do” and even rewrote my comment in my bible referring to that which we are “to do”. It is right that we are not to coven that of our neighbor, yet I want to speak about what it would look like to covet instead that which is yours, namely your wife.

“Covet: 1: to wish for earnestly” – Merriam-Webster Online

How do we turn away from wishing for things that are of others, we wish for that which is ours. In the case of our wives, it is not a property thing, but that she is ours and we have become one flesh back to where we were when woman was formed out of the body of man. With our wives being one flesh with us, it make full sense that we should be wishing earnestly for her. Longing for her, her embrace, her love, her warmth, and all that she is and has to offer.

Think of sin and staying away from it. If we are focused on God and doing His will as He has for us, then sin is not at the forefront of our minds. We will still sin, but our sin is less likely to be conscious. Similarly when we long for our wives others are not at the forefront of our minds and therefore we may find admiration in the beauty of others, but are less likely to covet them as our wish is for our wives.

I love my wife and would do anything to keep her safe and comforted. That said, I am looking hard at my love for her to find that I do indeed covet her. When she is away from me, I long for her. When she is near me, I feel her warmth. When she hugs me it is a true embrace. I am not the most affectionate person, but my wife brings me joy that I find hard to be without. I covet my wife, Lori.

What is your relationship with your wife? Does your love end there with the relationship and the word love? What if your were to covet and wish earnestly for her to keep her at the forefront of your mind to make it easier to avoid covetousness of your neighbor’s wife?

Unite Completely with Your Wife

Men, we are to unite completely with our wives. She was created out of us by God for us. It is up to us to reunite with her fully in flesh and spirit.

“²⁴Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24 (ESV)

If you remember, woman was created from our rib. She is part of us physically. When it is said that “they shall become one flesh”, it is that we are to reunite as one flesh since that is where we started.

Also, take a look at the first part of the above verse. Men, we are to leave and be with our wives, not the other way around. We are to devote to her. We are to join her where she is.

I look at our boys and where they are in life. We raised them to be independent and leave our home to be on their own. And each of them have done that. Where we love them and want them to be with us, we also know that they are to be on their own. They are to experience all that is in this world with the LORD as their guide, not us.

This leaving to experience life does not end with them. Once they find the woman that is to be their wife, she is now the one he unites with to become one. He spends as much time with her that he can. He develops a deep love for her and her family. He leaves us and devotes to her.

Likewise, we did the same things in our lives. We give up ourselves for her. I am a creature of habit and comfortable where I am, but to give to and care for my wife, I had to step out of where I was/am. I stepped into a bigger role in work and moved our family 1500 miles away from my family. And then we moved again, back to within a couple hundred miles from mine and her family. And I did not think of me during that time, but her and how it impacted our household. We became one and she was the full object of my love.

Now that our boys are gone, we are back to just the two of us and since I committed to join her, we are in a great space filled with love. We are one. Our friends know that we are a package deal. When one is invited, both of us are invited. When one goes, the other is not far behind. We have united completely to one another, and most importantly, I to her.

What does the unity of your relationship with your wife look like? Are you with her cause that is the deal? What if you were to unite completely and become one with her in all aspects of your relationship?

Sow and Allow God To Work it Out

I have been taught that anything worth doing is worth doing right. And, where this is true, we have to think about things not in result, but in process. When it comes to our spreading of the Gospel for the LORD, we are to sow the seeds He has for us and then allow Him to do His work for the result.

“³And he told them many things in parables, saying: ‘A sower went out to sow.’” – Matthew 13:3 (ESV)

I see here as Jesus is speaking to the crowd, He indicates that the sower just went out to sow. He went out to do the work. The LORD gave the sower a task to complete and he went, as we are instructed to do as followers of Christ. We are to go out and do the work assigned by God to us. We are not to worry with the result of things, we are to take our action and move on to the next action as instructed by the LORD.

When you look at the rest of the parable of the sower, we see that the sower’s seeds fell on the path, on rocky ground, among thorns, and on good soil. The sower did not seek out the good soil to sow, he just sowed seeds as he was to do. I know, why not seek out the good soil and get the best return on investment? I agree with you and that is where it is hard for us/me to understand. But, God would have us sow all along the path, as we do not know how the seeds will turn out, that is for God to determine.

You see, God has a plan for the seeds that we sow. They may land on the rocky ground and be carries away by rains to good soil. Or, among the thorns, there might be a patch of good soil where a seed may land and flourish. If we simply do the work of the LORD in the church, we will miss the opportunity to reach those who may be looking for the LORD. We are simply to do the task of sowing the seeds and allow God to do the work He has planned.

What is your approach to sowing seeds? Are you always on the lookout for only the good soil? What if you were to just spread the Gospel of the LORD among all ground and allow God to work out the result of your sowing?

The LORD Cares for Us

It is known that the LORD cares for His people. And we know that care comes in all aspects. But to what extent do we think that the LORD will remove those who do not hold the same direction and care for us that He does. To what extent do we think that the LORD will provide new leadership when the time comes.

“³My anger is hot against the shepherds,

and I will punish the leaders;

for the Lord of hosts cares for his flock, the house of Judah,

and will make them like his majestic steed in battle.

⁴From him shall come the cornerstone,

from him the tent peg,

from him the battle bow,

from him every ruler—all of them together.

⁵They shall be like mighty men in battle,

trampling the foe in the mud of the streets;

they shall fight because the LORD is with them,

and they shall put to shame the riders on horses.”

— Zechariah 10:3-5 (ESV)

I was brought to a passage that I am not sure I have read through or studied before. I see the care of the LORD in the verses above, to both remove or deal with the current leadership of His people and to rise them up through leaders with His end in mind.

Starting with the removal of “bad” leaders. We are aware that the LORD will protect His people in the event that they are in need of that protection. He will deal with leaders of the opposition to Him and His people. But what about those in authority of His people. Are they just left to run rough shod over the people. I say NO as noted here in verse three above. But also later in Jesus’ time. Recall the Sadducee and Pharisee leaders that took advantage of the people, Jesus dealt with them as well. God demonstrates His authority by dealing with all who are against His people.

And then there is the rising up of His people. When needed, the LORD provides the strength and guidance for His people (us) to rise up and take the lead. As we look at verses four and five above, we see the confidence in us that God has to bring us to the leadership role. We are the foundation of His Church and the tip of the spear against evil. We will rule together as we follow His command to bring glory and the Gospel to the world. We will be majestic where needed and we will be meek where needed. But make no mistake, it is not us, it is the LORD in us that rises us up.

The LORD cares for us and He demonstrates that in many ways. This morning I was reminded that He will remove those that are not on the same plan as He and he will rise up those who are.

What is your view of the care the LORD has for us? Are you of the view that He only protects us from the outside dangers? What if we see that in His care for us the LORD will remove the authority within that does not align with Him and will rise up those within who do?

The LORD Consoles the Worry

I have a number of worries in my heart right now. I am having a hard time with some things and I need all the help I can get to deal with them and get through them.

“¹⁹When the cares of my heart are many,

your consolations cheer my soul.”

— Psalm 94:19 (ESV)

But, even as I have those worries, I know that the LORD will help me through them. The thing is that I am not aware of when His “consolations will cheer my soul”. God does not let us in on the timeline to His work. Only He knows all of that. I have only to trust that He will take care of things.

It is hard knowing that relief is in the cards, yet not knowing when that relief will come. I can only continue to follow Christ and do that which He has for me in this world. I have to put those “cares” aside to ensure that I am moving forward with the work of the LORD. I am not called to understand all, I am called to go and do and then the LORD will take care of the results that are to be in His plan for things.

When we are working for the LORD, our cares are put aside, being dealt with by the LORD on our behalf. As I sit here this morning studying and writing, I am not thinking of those worries. The LORD is working to guard me against them and keep me focused on Him. The “cares” are still there, they are just minimized in the moment and the longer I stick with the work of God, longer they stay at bay to the point that their hold on my slips away.

And there it is. God’s consolation comes in time as we place ourselves in His hands, doing His work. When I am focused on Him, all else goes away and the relief comes.

What is your approach when worry gets hold of you? Are you paralyzed by the worry and allow it to take you over? What if you were to dig into the work of the LORD and allow Him to console your soul over time by showing you that the worry is just not worth the time and effort you are spending?

God Sent Jesus to Demonstrate His Care

It is known that God cares for man. He made us in His image and gave us dominion over all the earth. He made us in that we were just below the angels in the grand scheme of things. We know this as it is written in His Word that is truth. Yet, the LORD found it important to do more for us. He sent Jesus to demonstrate to us that He cares for us.

“⁹But we see him who for a little while was made lower than the angels, namely Jesus, crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.” – Hebrews 2:9 (ESV)

I am glad to be reminded of the care God has for man. He sent Jesus, His only son, to die for me that I might not have to experience death for the sins I have committed. God did that for me. Jesus, where He came to live in this world with me, His brother, He came specifically to die for me. God demonstrated the ultimate caring for me in that Jesus came to die so that I would not have to.

I know what you might be thinking, but I am going to die, everyone dies. And yes, you are correct in that we all die physically in this world. The LORD sent Jesus that we might not die spiritually. My body will no longer be needed at some point and when that time comes, the LORD will take me to be with my brother, Jesus, in heaven where I will experience glory like I can only imagine. The LORD did that for me and for you, if we would only accept it and live it out.

“¹⁶For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” – John 3:16-17 (ESV)

God demonstrates His love and care for you and me through is sending of Jesus for our sake. Jesus died so we would not have to.

What is your belief in the care of the LORD for you? Do you look at Him and wonder how He demonstrates His care for you? What if you looked at His sending Jesus to die for you as the ultimate demonstration of care for you?