Husbands, Stay with Your Wife

This seems like the right thing to do as isn’t that how it was set up in your marriage vows, “til death do us part”. I have come to see that divorce or leaving a spouse seems to be just as common as marriage itself (not really, but seems so). According to The Pew Research Center, around 34% of U.S. marriages end in divorce. The reasons for divorce are different, but think of that percentage, 3 out of ten marriages end in divorce. That is a pretty high number in my book.

“¹⁰To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband ¹¹(but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. ¹²To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. ¹³If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.” – 1 Corinthians 7:10-13 (ESV)

According to God’s Word, Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, husband and wife should stay married. Wives should not separate or divorce from their husbands and likewise the husband should not divorce their wives. Notice that in these four verses there is no exception, in fact Paul does say in verse 11, that there should be reconciliation.

I am speaking to my fellow husbands here. We are to love our wife and stay with them. Even when things seem bleakest between you, there is always room for reconciliation. We have to look backward to see the good. We chose to marry our wife for what we saw in them before. They are still the same as they were, we have likely stopped looking at or for that in them. Look intently for that again to rekindle that which was there at the time of our marriage to our wife.

“¹⁵But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15 (ESV)

Now, is there cause for separating/divorcing our wife or husband, yes. But even in those times, there is still room for salvation and reconciliation. But, if it is so that the wife is still unbelieving, even throughout and after evangelizing to/with them and they choose to leave, let them go and get back to your focus on the LORD and what He has for you.

Notice that Paul gives a single verse to mention a reason for separation or divorce. Will there be tough times and challenges that befall our marriage, yes. The thing is that with God in our lives and at the center of our marriage, all things can be overcome. Look back to your marriage vows, we agreed to devote ourselves to our spouse and love them through it all. That devotion does not stop when things get a little rougher than we expected them to be. Husbands, stay with you wife through it all and allow God to work.

What does the marriage life look like? Are you in it as long as things are going good? What if you look back at your vows and see that you agreed to stay with your wife (or husband) through it all, so allow God to work in your marriage?

Give Sexual Relations to One Another

This morning I continue to study the word “husband” and have been led to the passage titled “Principles for Marriage” in 1 Corinthians. There is a lot here for both husband and wife, the verses of focus this morning are below which relates to sexual relations in the marriage.

“²But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. ³The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” – 1 Corinthians 7:2-4 (ESV)

Here we see that it is right and just to have sexual relations with your spouse. We see that this is the way to avoid the temptations that arise of sexual relations outside of the marriage. We see that neither husband nor wife have full single authority over there own bodies. But, the one thing I believe that I miss on the regular is that we are to “give” to one another sexual relations.

I hear regularly, whether in person or in society, that husbands and wives go without or hold out sexual relations with one another. This is not biblical at all. Just reviewing the verses above, husbands and wives are to have sexual relations, and not just for the purpose of procreation. They are to have sexual relations to guard one another against sexual immorality. They also provide pleasure to one another and strengthen their relationship.

I go back to the idea missed on the regular by me to “give” sexual relations to the one another. I am going to focus on my husband’s duty of giving with the understanding that the wife has a similar if not exact duty of giving as well. You see, I promised to give myself to Lori over 29 years ago when we stood at the alter to be joined as husband and wife. My life and body are no longer my own as she has a stake in everything that is me. I have a duty to ensure that Lori is taken care of in all areas, physical, emotional, social, as well as sexual. It is my responsibility to provide for her in all ways. I do not withhold emotional support so why would I withhold sexual support.

It is natural for men and women to have sexual desires as God made us for one another. I have given myself to be with Lori as one and that means that what she needs I should provide. When she needs food, it is my duty to provide food. When she needs a hug, it is my duty to provide a hug. When she needs a roof over her head, it is my duty to provide a roof. And, when she needs sexual relations it is my duty to provide her those sexual relations. Lori should not have to look outside our marriage for anything she needs.

Notice the wording and the process. When something is needed by our wife, we are to provide or “give” to her that which is needed. We are not in the business of taking from her. We are in the business of giving to her. Lori should be giving to me just as I am to give to her, but again, neither of us are to take from one another. Yes, the duty is there, but there is no cause for the forceful taking of anything. All should be freely offered to one another, and that goes for sexual relations just as much as anything else. We are “give” to one another everything including sexual relations.

What is your view of sexual relations in your marriage? Are you out there demanding and taking from your spouse? What if you were to instead “give” yourself to one another through duty to one another?

Husbands Wear Your Crown

What a statement. We as husbands are to wear our crown. I will not shy away from that when I consider my crown.

“⁴An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”

— Proverbs 12:4 (ESV)

See here what is my crown, my wife. And Lori is certainly a/the crown to wear. When we go out, she is the best of me. People think of her before they think of me. I am Mrs. Flisowski’s and/or Lori’s husband in most circles. She is the thing that makes me something in this world.

I find it interesting that Lori is Lori with those that I know, yet I am her husband with those that she knows or who know her. I am the tag along with her and she is the better of me when with me. She is the crown that makes me someone. She is what people see first when they see me, and a beautiful sight she is.

Before you ask, no, everything in our home is not always in order. We do not function in an environment without any conflict. We argue plenty. We even mention to one another and others that we do not always like one another. But the love I have for her and she for me does not quit. She knows that I would do anything for her and I know the same. She is the object of my affection and is rightfully identified as my crown.

What is your wife to you? Is she the woman behind you? What is she was the crown that others see when they see you?

Husbands “Rule” Over Your Wife?

This morning I begin a new study on the word “husband” as I have been in the family realm for some time now first with “wife”, then “home”, and then “family”. It is only good process to make my way through all members of the family as I study. This first one was a bit tough as I find myself looking at “the fall” from grace in the beginning. God created man and woman to be husband and wife. And what he created was “very good” indeed. And then He allowed them to be tested by Satan. And whereas it was woman or the wife who succumbed to the temptation first, both of them took part and fell out of grace together. And that is where we are now.

“¹⁶To the woman he said,

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

in pain you shall bring forth children.

Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,

but he shall rule over you.”

— Genesis 3:16 (ESV)

This verse is the one I am going to spend my focus on for the purpose of this post. The rest of “the fall” are important to know, but is here that I am writing about. You see, it is that last pat of the verse that really gets things in me this morning, “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

As noted earlier, God created man and woman to be husband and wife and it was “very good”. Here we see that due to sin and “the fall”, husband and wife will be at odds. Where the wife was to submit to her husband and husband to lead, guard, and care for his wife (ESV commentary), it is now that wife will be at odds with her husband and husband will “rule” over his wife. This is not as God intended.

As husband I am not to “rule over” my wife. Yes, I am to be head of the household and am to be revered by my wife, I am not to “rule over” her, I am to love and care for her.

“²⁵Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” – Ephesians 5:25-27 (ESV)

We can see that Paul teaches for man to come back and work to defeat the results of “the fall”. We as husbands are not to “rule over” our wives, we are to love them, cleanse them, present them without “spot or wrinkle” so they “might be holy and without blemish”. We are, as noted earlier from my ESV commentary of Genesis 3:16, to lead, guard, and care for them. We are to make it they are lifted up and in the proper place of importance to us and to the LORD.

Yes, we were meant to be the head of our household, but it is just that the head of the household and not ruler of it. We were not created to “rule over”, but to lead, guard, and care. We were meant to be the husband, not the king. Thanks to “the fall” we are naturally at odds with our wives and we have to get back to what God intended. As we stay in God’s Word, we find continued reminders of what God intended and it is up to us to study and know of our role as husbands, to lead, guard, and care for our wives.

What is your view of the husband? Are they to be the ruler of all, including their wife? What if we looked more closely to find that we are to lead, guard, and care for our wives and not “rule over” them?

We are all Named by God

You ever think about where your family name came from. Well I am here to tell you the mystery is solved. Your family is named by God.

“¹⁵from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,” – Ephesians 3:15 (ESV)

Okay, maybe you were not named directly by God, but your existence is due to the Father and His Grace and Glory. That is right, we exist thanks to the Father and therefor can attribute our name to Him who brought us forward.

I am the son of an earthly father and my Heavenly Father. I have the name of my earthly father and am in the Lamb’s book of life thanks to my acceptance of He as my savior and God as my Father. I am an heir to my earthly father’s estate and an heir to the kingdom of heaven. I was named by God.

What is your lineage? Are you living life knowing of only your earthly father? What if you were to live knowing that you have a heavenly father who named you and your are/could be heir to His kingdom with Jesus?

Be at Home

Ever wonder where we are to set up shop. Where are we to be all that God would have us be. The answer is where we are. We are to be home working for the LORD.

“⁴and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, ⁵to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” – Titus 2:4-5 (ESV)

This morning I read this passage and wonder what I am I to learn today. The passage is titled in my ESV Bible, “Teach Sound Doctrine” and Paul is writing to Titus to encourage him in his ministry. Paul is indicating here the role of men and women and how they raise Godly men and women. Where there is a lot to the passage, I was led to the “working at home” statement. We are to work at home where we are.

Yes, Paul is speaking to women and their role here, but I was struck by an extension of it to all of us as followers of Christ. Men are to leave their mother and father to become one with their wife. Wives are to follow their husbands and run the home. Husbands and wives are to be together at home working.

In Lori and my life together, we have not always been working at “home” together. I used to travel 2-3 weeks a month and even at one point lived away from the family for about 4 months until they could finish the school year and we could again be together. Those times were hard. We were not always on the same page in our family. It was only when we came back together at “home” that things seemed to settle in and become more consistent. Lori even worked as a teacher for a few years in the town about 20 minutes from us and it was not until she got a job where we lived that things settled in.

I say all of the above to show that in our family, we are best when we are together at “home” where we are. We are to be a family where we are and not separated. The wife should be close to “home” to care for things there. The husband should be “home” more than not. Together the husband and wife should use “home” as their base of operations and teach their children to do the same.

When it comes to our Christian life, we should be at “home” where we are. I have written to the idea of having a church home where you are and I do believe that. We should also do the work of Christ right here where we are first of all. Our church vision is, to see “A gospel movement that reaches every person of the Hill Country and is carried to the ends of the earth.” We start right here at home. In my home I am to be at “home” with my wife and family doing the work of the LORD right here at “home”.

In our world today, it is common and socially encouraged to look for opportunity in far exotic places. To make a splash somewhere out there in the world. But the Bible teaches us to start right here at home. We are to first get our own home in order and expand out from there. We are to “Teach Sound Doctrine” at “home” where we are now and then allow that to be carried from there. We start by teaching our children that doctrine in our home and allowing them to carry it out to their home. That is the expansion we are to be looking for. We are to be and work right here at “home” where we are.

Where are you looking to God’s work? Are you seeking to make a big splash somewhere in the world? What if you were to do the work of the LORD, at “home” right where you are as your starting point?

Aim to Please the LORD at Home

We have a couple of different homes to speak of, and I am not talking of our summer and winter homes. In each of these homes, our task is to please the LORD.

“¹For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.” – 2 Corinthians 5:1 (ESV)

We have a tent/home here in this world and we have a building/home in heaven. Each of these are of value to us. Here in this world, we have the tent/home that is provided by God for us to live in while we are here. And in heaven we have a building/home that is provided by God for us to live in when we arrive. I am not going to talk to or about the temporary and permanent representations that are a tent and a building, although they are worth looking at for sure.

“⁶So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord,” — 2 Corinthians 5:6 (ESV)

While here in this world, we long for our heavenly home. We see ourselves as naked and away from the LORD. I find myself looking at where I am and knowing that I will be so much better off when I find myself at home with the LORD. I know that this world is temporary and that I have a home with the Father just waiting for me to arrive.

“⁹So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. ¹⁰For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” – 2 Corinthians 5:9-10 (ESV)

But, whether I am here in this world or with the Father in heaven, I am to work to please Him. I am obligated to work for the LORD, as He has provided a home for me. He has provided the tent here in this world and a building in heaven. I am the recipient of the gift and I am accountable to the work I do for Him.

So, whether we are in this world or in heaven, our goal is to please the LORD. It matters not where we are, as our home has been provided by the Him, whether our tent here or building there. We are to aim for pleasing the LORD.

What is your aim in your home? Are you looking out for and pleasing yourself here in this world? What if, knowing that your home is from the LORD, you would aim to please Him as you will be accountable to your work here just as in heaven?

Home Made with Christ

I began a study of the word “home” and this morning I see where and how my home is made. It is made with Christ.

“²³Jesus answered him, ‘If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.’” – John 14:23 (ESV)

Jesus is speaking to the disciples in the upper room here. He is telling of the coming of the Holy Spirit and discussing the fact that though He will be physically gone, He will always be with them through the Holy Spirit. He is speaking to who He will be with, the disciples, yes, but also those who are in and keep the Word of God. He and the Father will make their home with those who follow and keep the will of the LORD.

“²¹Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him. ²²Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, ‘Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?’” – John 14:21-22 (ESV)

Jesus tells the disciples that He will make himself known to those who love Him and keep His commandments. He is asked is answering the question of Judas as to why He will only make Himself known to some and not the whole world.

Jesus answers Judas and really me as to something that I have long questioned myself. Is Christ for all and will all be saved. The answer is NO. Not all will come to know Christ. Yes, most everyone will hear of Christ, but not everyone will know Him. And as Jesus says, “And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” The Father will only make a home with those who hear of and follows and keeps His Word.

So, how and where is my home made, with Christ. I have a part to play in it. I have to hear of the LORD and study His Word and keep His Word, not just in my mind, but live it out every day. When I do, the LORD will come to me and dwell within me and make His home with me.

Where and how is your home made? Are you working for it on your own? What if you were to hear and follow the Word of the LORD and know that in doing so, He will make His home with you?

Home with Joy and for Rest and Replenishment

Being out there in the world is hard. It is challenging and tiring and frankly a battle at every turn. We are going to expend ourselves fully in pursuit. We are to be pursuing the Father. We are to be out there doing the work that He has for us in this world. We are to give all that we have in the pursuit of doing His work.

“⁴Restore our fortunes, O LORD,

like streams in the Negeb!

⁵Those who sow in tears

shall reap with shouts of joy!

⁶He who goes out weeping,

bearing the seed for sowing,

shall come home with shouts of joy,

bringing his sheaves with him.”

— Psalm 126:4-6 (ESV)

And what after we have expended all that we are to sow the seeds of the LORD, we come home with joy in our hearts for the work is worth it. We will come home rejoicing at the work and with us we bring the satisfaction of knowing that we have sown the seeds of the LORD where He would have us sow. We come home with joy in our hearts even as we are weary from the work, knowing that the LORD will restore us fully so that we are able to go out the next day and do the same.

“⁷Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. ⁸For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. ⁹And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:7-9 (ESV)

It is in the sowing for the LORD that we find joy. We are rewarded with and thanks to that which we sow. If we are out there for ourselves, we will reap yes, but the reward will require more work, without rest or joy. But, when we are out there for the LORD, we have His Word to provide rest and replenishment. We find joy in the work and that joy leads to rest so that we can again make our way out for more work the next day.

Yes, we are to be out there doing the work of the LORD and yes, we will get tired from the work. When we return home after the long day of doing the work for the LORD we will find joy in the work and rest in the Word. When we return home we are to rejoice in the work we accomplished and then get back in the Word of the LORD to find rest and replenishment for the next day’s work for Him.

Our home is not just a place for us to anchor, but a place to find joy. We come home, whether our personal home or church home with joy in our heart and seeking rest and replenishment to go out and continue the work of the LORD and returning home again with joy and seeking rest and replenishment to go out and continue the work of the LORD again.

What are you finding at home? Are you finding more of the same, work to keep up? What if you were to do the work of the LORD in the world and come home with joy in your heart and seeking rest and replenishment from the Word to go out again the following day?

Find a Church Home (They are Plentiful)

Have you found a church home? It is a challenge sometimes I know. Lori and I were members of a church for many years in our childhood home. We then moved to another city and it took a few months to find the right church home. We then moved again and it took another while to find the right church home. And then we moved to another a few years later. So the process can take some time, but notice that we did not stop looking for the right church home for us.

“¹How lovely is your dwelling place,

O LORD of hosts!

²My soul longs, yes, faints

for the courts of the Lord;

my heart and flesh sing for joy

to the living God.”

— Psalm 84:1-2 (ESV)

The psalm above speaks to the loveliness of the dwelling place of the LORD. We are to seek it out and find joy there. This is not just one singular location. The “dwelling place” of the LORD is where He is and not a single specific place. Remember that the LORD is omnipresent and is everywhere. He is where you need Him to be. So the “dwelling place” is where we can find Him and “sing for joy” to Him.

“³Even the sparrow finds a home,

and the swallow a nest for herself,

where she may lay her young,

at your altars, O LORD of hosts,

my King and my God.

⁴Blessed are those who dwell in your house,

ever singing your praise!”

— Psalm 84:3-4 (ESV)

And now, where do we find our church home? I cannot say where, physically that is for you. As noted earlier, Lori and I moved a few times and it took time to find the church home for us. But, I will say that if/when we go back to those places, we have a church home to attend. Places where we know we will find a place to “sing for joy” to the LORD.

Looking at the above verses three and four, even sparrows and swallows find a home or nest to raise their young. I think to around my house here. On the front and back porch, we have nests that have been built by some barn swallows. These nests, during the spring and summer times are full with swallows as they have a raise their young. Multiple nests in one location that are not lacking as a home for some. Lori and I like to think that these are the same swallows coming back year after year to a home where they feel comfortable to raise their young.

Churches are the same where you are. There are churches everywhere in your area. I am willing to bet that there is a church home for you in one of them. It may take you some time to find the right one where you find your loving connection to the LORD. But, I will say, you must keep attending and looking for the “dwelling place” of the LORD for you to feel His presence. If not in the first place you go, then go to another, and another, and another. You “sing for joy” in every place and know that the LORD will be there with you.

At some point you will find the “dwelling place” of the LORD that is right for you. And you will find yourself and others singing and worshiping the LORD there always. And even if you move to another area, you will know that you can always return to the church home where you felt comfort to “sing for Joy” to the LORD and know that He is there with you. Don’t give up and keep looking for your church home.

Where is your church home? Do you have one? What if you were to keep searching, knowing that there is a church home for you in your area that is the “dwelling place” of the LORD and you can “sing for joy” to Him?