Find an Excellent Wife

“¹⁰An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.”

— Proverbs 31:10 (ESV)

A bit challenging for sure to find an excellent wife. How can we know?

Finding an excellent wife is something that all of us are wanting. I know that I found one in Lori. As you look further into verses 10-31 of Proverbs 31, we see the qualities that make an excellent wife and Lori fulfills them.

You see it is about devotion to the LORD and to the husband and the household that make her excellent. Not that she is the crown jewel of physical beauty to others in the community. It is not that everyone sees her and some trophy at my side. It is not that she is at the forefront of every event or organization. It is simply her devotion to God, family, and home. Lori is all of those things and I tell people all the time that I am spoiled by her and having her as my wife.

We find our excellent wife by looking in the right places to start. We can find her in the house of the LORD. We can find her following in the patterns of her mother. We can find her actions as she is growing up. She is out there waiting for us, we only have to go looking for her.

I remember hearing growing up that I was the kind of man to marry, not to date. I was thoughtful and caring and measured. Not exciting or risky. I see the excellent wife as having similar qualities. She is the one who puts others before herself. She is more concerned with consistency and contentment than the thrill of what could be. She has beauty, beauty found in her love and care and devotion. These are the things of the excellent wife and when you look at the verses of Proverbs 31 this is what you will find.

Finding an excellent wife is not hard, it is just something that we have to seek. It is easy to look for a wife, but it takes patience, determination, conviction to find the excellent wife. We have to know where to look and what to look for and not just see what is on the outside. We can find the excellent wife when we look where God directs.

What is an excellent wife to you? Are you looking for the physical trophy wife to hang on your arm? What if you were to find the excellent wife that God has for you, the one who is caring and measured and is devoted to Him, you, and the household?

Find a Wife, It is Good

Of course finding a wife is good. Lori and I have been married for 29 years and I would not have it any other way. But what and why is it good has to be explored.

“²²He who finds a wife finds a good thing

and obtains favor from the Lord.”

— Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)

Here we see it in Proverbs. Being married to your wife is a good thing and God looks down on the relationship smiling. But why is God smiling? Because He made things this way.

“¹⁸Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit fore him.’” – Genesis 2:18 (ESV)

God recognized that man should not be alone. He should have a companion, a helper, a wife, to get along in this world. So, God made woman. But, He did not make her like every other beast of the earth. He made her from a part of man. She was created and brought specifically to man to be his companion, helper, wife to get along in this world.

“²¹So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²²And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.” – Genesis 2:21-22 (ESV)

God brought woman to man and consecrated the first marriage. And He smiled at what He had done.

Let’s go back to man finding a wife and it being good. You see, God created the first marriage between man and woman. He knew we needed a companion, a helper, a wife to get along in this world and so He made it happen. When we are out there in this world alone, we are missing out. We are meant to be with our wife. We are meant to find our companion. We are meant to find our helper. We are meant to find our wife to get along in this world and God knows it is good and will be smiling on the relationship.

I am blessed to have Lori in my life. I am blessed to have her to love. I am blessed to have her as my companion. I could not make it without her as my helper. I love her for who she is and who she is to me. I found my forever wife and God is looking down on us with favor.

What is your view of finding your wife? Are you seeing her as just something that is done? What if you see her as God’s purposeful good companion, helper, and wife to get along in this world?

Find Life and Peace

“³⁵For whoever finds me finds life

and obtains favor from the Lord,”

— Proverbs 8:35 (ESV)

Again, I am in chapter 8 of Proverbs which is titled “The Blessings of Wisdom”. Here we are hearing wisdom speak to us and we are gaining from her. Above, she tells us that when we find her, we find life and favor from the LORD. Boy is she correct.

You see, we are not defined by what is happening to you in the moment, it is how you deal with it and what happens next. We will all be subjected to things happening in our lives. Some of those will be good and some not so good. It is how we proceed next that defines us. We can choose to be defeated and act as such, or we can choose to just get on with things and realize that was just a moment and the next moment is yet to come.

When we choose defeat, we choose to be a victim. It is difficult to move forward when we are feeling sorry for ourselves. Yet, when we choose to get on with things and realize that moment of challenge as just a moment, we are moving forward with and in life.

Wisdom gives us life in that we are able to just move on with things realizing the moment. When found, wisdom provides our way forward and way through and way out. We are not sitting and dwelling on the defeat, we are moving on to the next. We find a life after and not just what we experienced before.

Wisdom also gives us peace. Peace to know that we are not stuck in whatever situation we are in. We have comfort in knowing that life goes on after. We are anxious for what is next, but we do not worry for what comes we accept it and move forward with it.

Lori and I have our son Aarron who is deployed with the US Navy. I have not seen him since Christmas and Lori has not since March. Are we concerned for him and his safety, yes. Are we worried for what is next, no. You see, this is the life he chose and we are wise enough to know that. We have met the challenge of the moment and look forward to what is next. We are at peace with where he is and what he is doing and what God has in store for him. We are anxious for his return and looking forward to when we get to see him and hug his neck again, but we are able to move forward with life and have peace with all that comes.

Wisdom is not just something that provides for our ability to conduct tasks. Wisdom provides for our full state. When we find her, we find life and peace.

What do you find with wisdom? Are you satisfied with the ability to conduct things? What if you were to see and accept that when you find wisdom, you find life and peace?

Wisdom Gives

That’s right, wisdom gives. We do not just receive.

“¹⁷I love those who love me,

and those who seek me diligently find me.”

— Proverbs 8:17 (ESV)

Those who love us tend to give of themselves to ensure that we have what we need. We do the same for those we love. Above is wisdom speaking. Notice love is given and received. And, not only that but there is a genuineness to the love and what is given and received.

“¹⁸Riches and honor are with me,

enduring wealth and righteousness.

¹⁹My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold,

and my yield than choice silver.

²⁰I walk in the way of righteousness,

in the paths of justice,

²¹granting an inheritance to those who love me,

and filling their treasuries.”

— Proverbs 8:18-21 (ESV)

We have to be careful when we think about the tangibleness of that which is given and received. When you quickly read verse 18 above, we have the idea that our lives will be filled with riches and wealth thanks to wisdom. The reality is that we gain the ability for those things. I know for myself, I seek wisdom and can say that to some degree I have been successful in finding it. But that said, I am not a wealthy man by monetary standards. Oh, I am not poor, but I do not have millions stored up. Even though, I have wealth that cannot be measured by societal standards.

I have been told that others are envious of my desire to learn, and more so my dissatisfaction with my process of learning when they can see that I have and do more learning than they can/are doing themselves. I thank them for their kindness and still internally I am still seeking wisdom every day. Not to get rich monetarily, but get rich in learning of and for the LORD.

You see, when we are seeking wisdom, we are able to find her. Why, because she wants to be found by those who are diligent in their seeking. Look back at verse 17 above and remember that it is wisdom speaking, who loves those who love it. And wisdom gives riches to those who find her.

What are you receiving? Are you seeking riches in the world and not getting? What if you were to shift your seeking to wisdom and when found, realize the riches she gives?

Find and Gain from Wisdom

We are pretty good at finding things when we are looking for them. Those things, when found, deliver some satisfaction, but generally that satisfaction is fleeting and minimal in lasting impact.

Notice the verbiage there in the above, looking for things. Thing are tangible what we get from them are fleeting as noted. But, intangible things we seem to seek as opposed to look for. Wisdom is one of those things that we should be seeking. We should have a deep desire to acquire wisdom for it is that which keeps on giving beyond the now.

“¹³Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,

and the one who gets understanding,

¹⁴for the gain from her is better than gain from silver

and her profit better than gold.”

— Proverbs 3:13-14 (ESV)

Silver and gold, or those tangible things do have a shelf life. They can be here today and gone tomorrow. We seem to look for those things that give pleasure in the now and then we tend to take for granted that which we acquired and squander it in the time that comes after. But wisdom, when found is something that continues to pay dividends throughout time. We may lose silver and gold, but we can always get more when using our wisdom.

Napoleon Hill’s book, “Think and Grow Rich” discusses the value of knowledge and wisdom. We gain lasting “wealth” from our knowledge and wisdom than the acquisition of things in the now. If we lose the things today, we can get more of them tomorrow by the use of our thoughts and reason.

“⁵At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream by night, and God said, “Ask what I shall give you.” and “⁹Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?” – 1 Kings 3:5 & 9 (ESV)

Solomon understood the value of things and when presented by the LORD to the chance to ask for anything, he chose wisdom and understanding as he knew that would be the lasting thing to govern the people. And wisdom He received, and then he shared that wisdom through the writings we know today as Proverbs, where our focus verses this morning come from.

We are so intent on the acquisition of things in our lives that we miss the opportunity to find that which truly continues to give. We should be seeking the sustainable and gaining from its daily use and involvement in our lives. Wisdom found is there for lifelong gain.

What is it you seek? Are you looking for that thing to satisfy the now? What if you were seek, find, and gain from that which will give you lifelong gain, wisdom?

Find Your Delight

“⁴⁷for I find my delight in your commandments,

which I love.

⁴⁸I will lift up my hands toward your commandments, which I love,

and I will meditate on your statutes.”

— Psalm 119:47-48 (ESV)

“I find my delight in your commandments,” this is quite the verse and realization. But isn’t it true and with the LORD on a much larger scale.

My wife Lori is a teacher and I am in adult education and what we have found over the years is that people thrive in structure. They are keenly aware of expectations and can focus on producing results when they follow and meet and exceed those expectations. Having rules and guidelines to remove ambiguity and decision making for all of the little things allowing for energy to be expended on achieving results and not on meaningless tasks.

God gives us commandments and rules and expectations on our living life in this world. Some of those are grand, the Ten Commandments and the great commission, and others are less so, caring for the needy. But the one thing we can count on is that these commandments, rules, and expectations are in place for our guidance and direction as we traverse this world we live in as we prepare for our forever home, heaven.

As people in a classroom, we do not look at the structure and think, “wow these are great for me to not have to think about, I can just do”. But in this world, we can and should be looking at the commandments of the LORD as just that, “great for me”. We may not “delight” in the rules and expectations of this world, but we can and should find it in the commandments of the LORD. We should see His promise, His Word, His rules, His precepts, His commandments, and His statues as the structure that keeps us moving through this world as we prepare for our home.

I follow a very strict regimented disciplined daily routine that ensures I complete things on time and I am able to move on to the next with little thought. I am glad to have the commandments of the LORD to drive me forward in the things that matter as I move through this world. I find delight in knowing all my decisions can be made with Him in mind and that when doing so, I am headed in the right direction.

What is your feeling on commandments? Do you see them as restrictive and rigid? What if you saw them more as guidelines to keep you moving and were able to see and find delight in them?

You Will Again Find the LORD

Review my choice of words in the title above. Be aware that it is you that will find the LORD again, and not that He again finds you. If you read my previous study of the word “abandon” you will see that the LORD does not nor will not abandon us. He is there always waiting on us to turn back to Him. And when we do, He is right there ready to pick us up.

“³⁰When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, you will return to the Lord your God and obey his voice. ³¹For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that he swore to them.” – Deuteronomy 4:30-31 (ESV)

The LORD will not leave or destroy us even though we turn away from Him. He gave us free will and He knew that we would act and do the way we act and do. He waits patiently for our return to Him. And, when we turn back to Him, He is there with open arms to receive us and love us and comfort us and protect us.

“²⁸And there you will serve gods of wood and stone, the work of human hands, that neither see, nor hear, nor eat, nor smell. ²⁹But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.” – Deuteronomy 4:28-29 (ESV)

We will distance ourselves from the LORD and will worship other gods. We will be servants of those gods and will allow them to bring us into despair. And just when things are at their worst. At our tribulation, we will realize the err in our way and we will seek the LORD and we will find Him there waiting for us. We will search for Him with fervor and with conviction.

I again come to the point of who does the searching, we. It is not the LORD searching to find us, as He never abandoned us. It is we who are doing the seeking. It is we who are again turning to the LORD. It is we who are again finding the LORD.

What are you worshiping? Are you hoping for rescue? What if you realize the err in your worship and turn again to seek and find the LORD, knowing that He never did nor never will abandon you?

Negotiate and Stick to It

I have moved to study the word “find” throughout God’s Word. I begin my study in the Book of Numbers with the negotiations of people of Reuben and Gad to stay and not cross over the Jordan River into the promised land. Seems a bit strange to not want to accept that which God had promised, but the reason made sense to the people.

The people of Reuben and Gad are not too different from you and me. They found something that was of benefit to them and that is where they found they wanted to be. When I find something that is of benefit to me, I am inclined to want that as well and am content in that finding. I will enter into negotiations to get/receive that which I found and in those negotiations will give up the prospect of something else to have what I have found. The people of Reuben and Gad did the same with Moses and with the promise of God, they negotiated to stay where they were and not accept the promised land of God.

“²⁰So Moses said to them, ‘If you will do this, if you will take up arms to go before the Lord for the war, ²¹and every armed man of you will pass over the Jordan before the Lord, until he has driven out his enemies from before him ²²and the land is subdued before the Lord; then after that you shall return and be free of obligation to the Lord and to Israel, and this land shall be your possession before the Lord.’” “’²⁴Build cities for your little ones and folds for your sheep, and do what you have promised.’ ²⁵And the people of Gad and the people of Reuben said to Moses, ‘Your servants will do as my lord commands. ²⁶Our little ones, our wives, our livestock, and all our cattle shall remain there in the cities of Gilead, ²⁷but your servants will pass over, every man who is armed for war, before the Lord to battle, as my lord orders.’”– Numbers 32:20-22 & 24-27 (ESV)

In the negotiations, everyone agreed that the people of Reuben and Gad would settle where they were and not in the promised land, in exchange for sending their armed men to fight for, alongside the other tribes in the acquisition of the promised land. Quite the negotiation to say the least. Fight for something that I have no stake in.

“²³But if you will not do so, behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out.” – Numbers 32:23 (ESV)

And there it is, the other side of the negotiations. What happens if you do not uphold your end of the bargain. There are consequences. Where there are consequences to all negotiated terms that are not met, this negotiation is in the site of the LORD and you can bet they will be quite something. Although Moses does not outline what they are, the people had seen the anger of the LORD before, so I am sure that they were well aware of what those consequences were.

“¹At that time Joshua summoned the Reubenites and the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh, ²and said to them, ‘You have kept all that Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you and have obeyed my voice in all that I have commanded you. ³You have not forsaken your brothers these many days, down to this day, but have been careful to keep the charge of the Lord your God. ⁴And now the Lord your God has given rest to your brothers, as he promised them. Therefore turn and go to your tents in the land where your possession lies, which Moses the servant of the Lord gave you on the other side of the Jordan.’” – Joshua 22:1-4 (ESV)

Yep, they upheld their end of the bargain and the negotiated terms were kept by all involved. The promised land was secured and the people of Reuben and Gad settled in the negotiated land.

This is but one example of negotiating and consequences of the negotiation. Here the people of Reuben and Gad avoided the consequences as the LORD and they held up their ends of the negotiation. The same is for you and me. When we negotiate, we are to do so in good faith with full intent on following through with our end of the negotiation. Regardless of who we negotiate with, it is our duty to uphold our end. Remember that the LORD will allow our negotiations. He did so with Moses and here we see with the people of Reuben and Gad. The LORD will always uphold His end, it is up to us to stick to ours.

What do your negotiations look like? Are you making promised that you may or may not intend to keep? What if you were to negotiate in good faith and stick to it as we know the LORD will stick to His?

Remember and Turn Back

Jesus knows the condition of our heart. He knows where we are in our relationship with Him. Regardless of how you may be fooling yourself and/or others, Christ knows.

“⁴But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.” – Revelation 2:4 (ESV)

Even as He does know the current condition of our heart, Jesus also knows where we were at one point and that we do have the capacity to get back there. It is however a conscious decision to turn back to Him and get right in our following of the LORD.

“²I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. ³I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary.” – Revelation 2:2-3 (ESV)

We know where we were. We know that we are sinners and were without salvation at one time. We accepted the gift of salvation that was give by Christ and progressed doing the work the LORD had for us. And then, as noted in verse four above, we see that we have fallen away from that work. We turned away from the LORD, maybe not consciously, but turned away none the less.

“⁵Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.” – Revelation 2:5a (ESV)

This is where we are, we need to get back to our communion with the LORD. We need to re-engage with Him and find our way back to Him. We need to get back to where we were at first. Back to endurance, back to calling out evil, back to recognizing and calling our the false, and back to acting and doing the name of Jesus. We have turned away and abandoned the LORD, now is our time to turn back to Him and get back to work spreading His Word, the gospel, to all the world.

Where are you in your relationship with the LORD? Have you turned away and toward yourself? What if you remembered and turn back to Jesus and begin again doing the works you did when you first came to know Him?

We Witness and Experience the Promise of God

God promised to send a savior. And He did. We walked with Him and experienced Him and witnessed Him in this world and not just the promise of Him.

Okay, so you and I did not walk with, experience, and witness Jesus when He came into this world as our savior. But, for just over 30 years He was here in this physical world and our ancestors did. God made a declaration and promise that He would provide and send a savior for the world and He did just that. We have the accounts of Jesus and we have the results of His life and He indeed come that we would be saved.

“36Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified.”

“32This Jesus God raised up, and of that we all are witnesses.” – Acts 2:36 & 32 (ESV)

Peter is reminding us that Jesus was promised to us and He came to walk among us and provide for our salvation from this world. Jesus was the savior promised and He demonstrated the love of God for all the world to see. David new of and spoke of His coming and rejoiced. Peter and the disciples walked daily with Him and continued His work. We know of His coming and walking and can/should speak of the gift of salvation He brought and is available for all.

“25For David says concerning him,

‘”I saw the Lord always before me,

for he is at my right hand that I may not be shaken;”’”

— Acts 2:25 (ESV)

You see, I may not have me Jesus personally, but I have witnessed Him daily. I have seen His love and compassion and grace and mercy in my life and yours. I know, as David did, that He walks with me wherever I go. He is with me now as I study and write. Jesus is my salvation and I have witness to and experience His glory.

What is your experience with Jesus? Are you aware of His walking with you daily? What if you realized that you do indeed witness and experience His love, compassion, grace, mercy, and glory all the days of your life?